14. You Don’t Know Why You Want The Goal and What It Actually Gets You
“When we are in a surrendered state, we are free from that inner smallness, insecurity, and low self-esteem. [In this state] Money becomes merely a tool to achieve our goals in the world. We have an inner security, knowing that there will always be sufficient abundance.” — Dr. David Hawkins, MD, PHD
Why do you want to achieve the goal?
What deep fulfillment will it bring you, if any? Fulfillment is what you’re actually looking for, you just think the goal will get that for you.
Have that fulfillment now by asking why until you figure it out.
Case in point:
The goal of starting a successful business:
Why do you want to start a successful business?
So I can make more money.
Ok, why do you want to make more money?
So I can buy a house and a car.
Ok, why do you want a house and a car?
So I can make my friends and family proud.
Ok, why do you want to make them proud?
So I can have self esteem as a valuable member of my family and community(or something like that it can go ).
Ok, why do you want to be proud of yourself and valuable to your family?
Because I want their love and approval.
Why do you want their love and approval?
So I can be my best and worthy of the people around me.
So there you have it, you want to start a business to love yourself and be worthy of the people around you.
That’s one way it can go, but why can’t you have that now?
When you realize you can, and possess it, you’ll stop trying to please anyone and the flow of life will takeover.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” — Lao Tzu
You can’t achieve a goal from a state of not having in the first place, so the very thing you’re looking for prior to achieving the goal needs to be posessed to manifest the tangible external goal.
Once you’ve fully accepted yourself, you’ll begin to explore in a different way — the way the ‘great thinkers’ (you are one!) did.
Einstein wasn’t trying to please anyone, he had an insatiable wonder of the world and a love for learning that had him commit to exploring big questionsthat led to his Theory of Relativity.
So why do you do what you do? Ask why over and over.
Riches are often made when we see a group of people who are being lied to and believe one thing, and we bring them back to the truth.
Observe what everyone’s doing, don’t be a part of the crowd.
13. You Don’t Have Congruency So The Goals Aren’t Who You Are
“You need to prove to the mind that you mean what you say.” — Dr. Sam Qureshi
Congruency is when what you want matches your behavior.
So your subconscious needs to believe who you want to be based on how you act and behave.
The good news is “who you are” is inner subjective, and can literally change anytime you decide to begin acting the way you want to be (become to achieve the goal).
That’s why when friends and family make statements like “oh I know him, that’s not who s/he is, he’s just acting like someone he’s not” is an invalid statement.
Because “who you are” at that moment, is who you decide and how you want to act in that moment, therefore making that who you are at that time.
So next time a friend or family member says that to you, explain it to them fearlessly and blaze your own trail.
Year after year I’d write down goal after goal and bust my ass toward it as best I could. I’d put in monumental efforts that were Herculean but the conditions I had created made the goals unsustainable and out of reach.
For example, working out was a big one for me as I was a chubby kid growing up. So I wasn’t enough and was trying to essentially buy a ‘silver bullet’ to achieve self esteem and looks for all the standard reasons unconscious ‘society’ would expect a young man would want those things in his 20’s.
But I didn’t have a positive growth mindset which would eventually lead to the love of the task itself, which in this case, was the behavior of working out.
Now that I’m accepting of myself, and have high self esteem, I enjoy the day to day performance of measurement, performance, sweating and endorphins and love to workout.
You have to love the vehicle (task and process) that get’s you to the goal itselfto operate in the right state and intention, so you attract the resources you need.
I was working out in a state of lack, of ‘not having’, and therefore trying to acquire. I desired to be ‘ripped’ like a ‘star’. Desire literally means not having.
The result needs to come as the by-product of achieving excellence itself, not achieving the goal and therefore becoming excellent.
As legendary psychiatrist and Halocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said:
“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself.”
12. You Lack The Foundation
To achieve a goal, it needs to be realistic. For it to be realistic, you need the right mindset, skill set and tool set.
The mindset required is growth, so all challenge and obstacle adds to you instead of decays you. Therefore you must embrace it challenges and obstacle and love the journey for a growth mindset.
The Skillset is practice and experience, to finally earn mastery of the skills you need to achieve the goal.
However if you’re not practicing deliberately, in the right state, with focus and purpose, you won’t get the deep practice needed to do the deep work required to attain mastery of your craft.
This begins with owning the other principles on this list.
The toolset becomes the easy part after achieving mastery, as you’ll be so good everyone will want you.
At this point, you’re confident being vulnerable, sharing your worldview and putting your work and name on the line.
Whether it’s capital, partners or technology, the tools will find you.
The ultimate tool in the toolset to achieve any goal is absolute resourcefulness.
11. You Aren’t Resourceful
“Burn your boats and take the fucking island.” — Tony Robbins
You’re waiting for the book to be perfect or you’re waiting for the capital to show up or you’re scared about what others will say.
You aren’t committed.
This is a hard fact.
I wasn’t committed for years, and truly understand what commitment means after I decided I was going all in with no other options but to succeed at my goals.
This is exceptionally scary, and why most people don’t get achieve absolute resourcefulness.
“I have a family to think about so I can’t burn my boats” needs to change to “I have a family to think about so burning my boats is the only way”. Scary.
“If I tell everyone I’ll become a writer, they’ll say oh here he goes again with a new goal”. Scary.
When you’ve actually created the forced conditions to committed to ‘take the island’, and achieving the goal, you’ll go to the ends of the Earth to take it.
Nothing creates the state and resourcefulness of having your back against the wall. But again, scary.
Think about that person you know who never loses and confidently achieves every goal they want.
There’s no question in their minds, they decide they’re going to do it and they do.
When you’re decided and commit to winning at something, you create the conditions of absolute resourcefulness, the ultimate secret most don’t reach in achieving their goals.
10. You Don’t Possess Positive Faith
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” — Winston Churchill
I’ve failed at two businesses and learned so much from each and almost feel like I’m achieving business master, but I have a little ways to go.
Mistakes are a part of the learning process and growth is the result. It’s that simple.
It’s how we perceive that ‘pain’ and move forward that create our character.
The bigger the goal and the higher your standards, the more room there is for mistakes — the bigger the more you learn.
Think about it, if making a film is your goal, and you’ve never made a film before, you’re of course going to make more and bigger mistakes if you set out and actually pitch real executives or better yet, boot strap and make the film.
Tons and tons of growth.
If you sit home and study film making, which surely plays a role in the process of film making, and dream about how what it would be like to pitch executives or make the film, how are you going to achieve learning and mastery?
And how long would it take you?
Be, do, have. Sure, learning about film making is a part of the process but the point is the fastest growth comes from doing it and learning the hard way.
9. You Don’t Take Ownership Of Your Perception
“All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of [your] power and not truth.” — Friedrich Neitzche
You can’t achieve goals from a place of lack and ungratefulness and must own the hard fact that you control what you see.
That’s why Dr. Wayne Dyer said “when you change the way you see things, the things you see change.”
Therefore if you want to achieve a goal, you need to first appreciate what you have, and be content with it.
You need to see the abundance all around you and all the opportunity that exists — because it does.
The things that are free are abundance as well — and ultimately the things you’re looking to achieve. Fulfillment, self esteem, satisfaction, confidence, expansion, purpose, creative output and happiness — all free.
The personal question to ask yourself is “what external goals are going to get me there?”. If you can bypass all that, you’ll cheat time.
The sky, air, water, your evolutionary success — all abundance.
Think about how much had to happen for you to be here. How many other species extinct, people killed. Survival of the fittest and you’re the fit result!
That’s a huge deal.
The fact that we’ve reached this state of consciousness that this many people in the world choose peace and not power is massive.
Embrace it and love what you already have no matter how scarce it may feel like. Choose to see abundance.
If you don’t, you won’t achieve the goals you want.
8. You Don’t Actually Want The Goal Because You Don’t Know What You Want
“This is a fundamental irony of most people’s lives. They don’t quite know what they want to do with their lives. Yet they are very active. They network, but they don’t know what kind of contacts would actually be helpful. They want to write a book, but don’t want to take the time to ask what purpose it serves. They talk about what they’d like to do but have no idea how to get there. They jump into starting a company or a site or any number of time intensive commitments, without actually asking: What does success here look like? And will that success be something I actually enjoy?” — Ryan Holiday
It’s a nice to have, not a need to have.
You can achieve any goal if you pay the price, commit and create the conditions to achieve it. Fact.
I’ve wanted to achieve mastery of starting companies and have committed to it the last four years whole-heartedly. Believe I’ve gained 20 years of experience as a result.
Whether I originally was doing it for the wrong reasons (I was) or had all the answers I’m writing about in this piece (I absolutely didn’t), at the time, I saw no other way at succeeding in my work life and therefore decided no matter how hard it got that I would succeed.
As someone who was generally fearful, introverted and paranoid, I was forced to purge some of my biggest fears from public speaking to leading team meetings with people who ‘are smarter than you’ and overcoming imposter syndrome.
So the deep question is, how bad do you actually want the goal?
If you’re happy with what you have, that’s absolutely fine because that’s ultimately what we’re all striving for, contentment and satisfaction in all facets of existence.
My best friend is an introductory accountant at a non-profit and has been in the same role for the last five years. When I ask him why he doesn’t want to get promoted or improve, he just responds with “I’m cool. At some point I’ll get my CPA. I think they’ll pay for it so.”
He’s the happiest person in the world because he doesn’t need the external things to find fulfillment, self esteem and other things that often push over achievers.
I now see just how smart he is, and envy him for “knowing” this secret before me.
I happen to be obsessed with maximizing my potential, and have been spending every waking minute trying to do that with work, reading, writing and relationships the last four years.
I’ve learned hard lessons on what it costs me, yet have cheated time as a result.
This is what makes me exceptional at helping others do the same at 10x rate and why I can be best in the world at it if I keep working at a fast rate.
7. Your Goal Isn’t Aligned With Your Higher Purpose
“Find something worth dying for, and live for it.” — Dr. Peter Diamandis
Write down a list of things you’re so pissed off about, that you can’t sleep at night. Or write down a problem which you care about so much, that you’d actually give your life if it meant seeing it solved.
Align your goals to a higher calling and you’ll show up with exceptioanl passion every day.
And don’t forget, goals don’t always have to be gigantic “moon shots” that “change the world”.
If you’re higher purpose is exploring the wonders of the world with books to read and write quietly, do it. If you can’t afford it, move home.
If your job is too taxing, get one with less responsibility. I’m going out of my way to make less money to create the space and time to be able to read and write.
You define what you’re higher purpose is and whatever you decide is fine because it’s you who decided.
Think for yourself always, trust your conviction and have positive faith that even if it’s a “wrong decision”, you’re going to learn the hard lesson required to move closer to your eventual goal.
This faith is required to find the deep resilience necessary to achieve any goal you want.
6. You Don’t Invest In Yourself
“The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where we water it.” — Sam Ovens
You can love anything you invest in whole-heartedly. Fact.
Investing in yourself and treating yourself how you want others and the world to treat you is a pre-requisite for attracting what you want and therefore allowing goals to happen.
For your mind to believe what you say, you must act out what you want.
Money is the fastest way to send subconscious signals to yourself and the world around you that you deserve your goals.
Money is a deeply imbedded construct that we value so let’s take advantage of this to accelerate forward.
Have you ever noticed when you spend money on something, you appreciate it more? There’s a reason for that.
Spending money on a course vs. getting it free makes me work and learn more deliberately on that course. For example, Benjamin Hardy is a great friend and long time coach of mine. He sent me a link to his writing course to take it free and I surprised him by telling him I bought and paid for the highest grade offer. Why? Because we value what we invest in and I wanted to be vested and therefore committed to the writing course.
It’s lit a fire under me and I’m writing with fury every single day. This may be the most effective way to accelerate results. Invest invest invest money. Don’t cling to it either.
5. You Don’t Know Enough About Your Goal And Aren’t A Voracious Learner
“Let the wise listen and add to their learning and let the discerning get guidance.” Proverbs 1:5 (NIV)
Voracious learners exist to learn and grow for it’s own sake.
Even when they’re taking down time to recover, they’re observing everyone and everything around them. It’s a state of observance and awareness that can’t be turned off.
You must reach this state and love learning so much that you’ll have all the knowledge you need to master your craft and achieve any goal you want.
They don’t have to set time to learn, it’s who they are.
This gives them a massive advantage and being a voracious acquirer of knowledge makes you so unstoppable the goal itself becomes an afterthought (achieved) because you’re relentlessly on a quest to learn and grow that you zoom by the goals themselves.
4. You Force Them So Much You Don’t Give them Space To Happen
‘What you resist, persists.’ — Eckart Tolle
You must live in surrender and allow things to happen without forcing them.
Forcing creates counter force and resistance which leads to frustration.
Remember, it’s a commitment to excellence and the joy we derive from that journey that make goal achievement a by-product result.
There’s no forcing it. If it takes time to create the situation in which it can be achieved, have faith in the process and work on just work on your growth mindset, practicing skill set and resourceful tool set.
Things always happen as they should.
3. You Don’t Believe You Deserve The Goal So You Block Yourself From Getting It
The first thing you need to do to achieve a goal is believe you’re entitled to it. If you’re subconscious programming believes otherwise (programming = belief), your action will bring you just that (what you believe in).
95% of our action is unconscious. Many have this problem and feel like they’re imposters. Don’t believe it. You deserve. Act entitled, you are.
Ever notice why entitled people get ahead? It’s because they believe in themselves and believe they should get what they want. This sadly keeps a lot of people in mental poverty. There’s absolutely no reason you don’t deserve everything you want.
Decide you do right now and never question it again.
2. You Don’t Know How Your Goal Fulfills You Or “Makes You Happy”
“You can’t be depressed while you’re expanding or inspired”. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Do you know what happiness is to you? Most people think once they reach a particular place in their career or personal lives or own things, they’ll be happy.
But happiness is different than fulfillment and fulfillment is what ultimately creates satisfaction and contentment that’s sustainable. Milestones, things and achievement immediately become the norm, and you immediately want more.
Imagine yourself in your absolute ideal life, maybe it’s in a massive apartment like I thought would bring me happiness but learned the hard way it absolutely doesn’t matter where I live. Now see yourself in possession of this thing you want and then imagine having it for a day, a week, then a month, and then a year.
It will get old.
This is why there are plenty of ‘rich’ people who are actually poor in the things that matter — who have homes across the world but are unhappy because they lack the important things which are absolutely free.
Relationships, health, mindful expansion and creative expression. If you aren’t constantly growing and expanding yourself, you’re doing the opposite which is decaying or dying.
1. You Don’t Understand How Much Your Thoughts Have The Power To Impact Your Goals
“But you don’t decide what to do with the info [of thought]. Thought runs you. Thought, however, gives false info that you are running it, that you are the one who controls thought. Whereas actually thought is the one which controls each one of us.” Legendary Physicist Dr. David Bohm
Thoughts come from feelings and feelings come from emotions. Thoughts are physical.
As sentient beings gifted with the light of consciousness, you have the ability to control your thoughts, beliefs and have the power to shape your own reality.
Bringing this out of the spiritual realm and into reality, it begin with a choice and decision to take radical ownership and absolutely control your reality to get what you want.
This begins with the thoughts you have and taking ownership of them.
As Dr. Joe Vitale says, “you are the only one that creates your reality. You don’t need to complicate all the “reasons” behind your emotions. It’s much simpler than that. Two categories: good feelings and bad feelings.”
It’s not about deluding yourself into being happy or not taking an objective view at reality. It’s about acknowledging that you can use thought and emotion to your advantage no matter what.
It’s emotional intelligence.
When I go home as I did for the holiday, I go to the local Starbucks to read and write each morning. I went yesterday and felt I was in a low state. I kind of stumbled out of bed and just went. I was having negative thoughts and having a good o’l time taking pity on myself. Our uncle was in hospice and we had spent the day at the hospital the day prior and I was in a low state.
When the kind lady who had served me every single day for the last 6 days, knew my drink and brought it up to me as I wasn’t noticing, I reacted and was a bit off guard.
I kind of I reacted as though I didn’t know her whereas had I been present, and had been having happy thoughts (that are physical), my mind would have been light and alert and we probably would have caught up with a quick conversation.
I’m not saying to not allow yourself to have unhappy thoughts as I did, it’s going to happen.
Just know that your presence, alertness and state of mind can be managed. The same way I managed mine so the next day I went in fully present with happy thoughts of high energy and therefore had a different encounter with my friends at Starbucks.
Best wishes for a fulfilling 2018.
The article is not intended to be negative, rather constructively critical for further awareness on why we fail, so we can ultimately succeed.
I’ve certainly failed at enough goals and jumped the gun before being the right person, with the right foundation, at the right time and in the right situation to attract and deserve the goal. The process is what makes life interesting and expansive.
Those who embrace that challenge and make it fun will achieve every goal they set their minds to. Those who don’t, won’t. It’s that simple.
Want it. Work for it. But don’t forget to love yourself and take care.
Be aware that it’s all in your head. Don’t take it too seriously. Conscious awareness are ultimately illusions. Create the best illusion you can for yourself and watch your world change.
Best wishes for a fulfilling 2019.